Worries and Dreams

I read this quote once: "Our main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance but to do what lies clearly at hand."

So, after finally being able to walk thanks to a couple of "well placed" shots (sitting is another matter though :P), I can resume my regular posts.

However, building on the quote, there's one thing about me that I have absolutely despised for a long time, and that is I worry and I dream. Now don't get me wrong, both of these things are important.. in moderation. You see, I have always claimed that I do not worry about anything, and that I let the past be the past and live in the moment, but in reality I'm the ultimate worrier and dreamer. I worry about my future, I worry about my friends, I worry about my workplace, I worry about people that I don't know, heck, once I worried about my neighbor's cat because it was out for too long!

And the dreaming part, well, that's even worse! Before I even start most things, I've already dreamt up the outcome, the glory and the success. So, before I make a deal, I've already dreamt up how much money I'm going to make off of it, and debated with myself how I'm going to spend the money, and what kind of new investments I'm going to get into, and probably how much those investments are going to make me. And right after I spent 5 min. with a girl that I like I've probably already dreamt up the wedding night, honeymoon, how many kids we'll have (maybe even named them), our house, and what arguments would lead to a divorce. This happened without fail, every.. single.. time.. with the exception of once, where even though I wanted it to work out the most, I "knew" logically that it wouldn't. Of course they didn't know this, actually, no one knew this till now...

EXHAUSTING!! I mean, between worrying and dreaming, I almost have no time to live. Who cares if the cat got hit by a car? It's its owners' fault for letting it out. Who cares if this 15 yr old girl is "experimenting" with boys? The worst that could happen is she gets pregnant and it's her parents' damn fault anyway. My friends are all adults, and they can take care of themselves. And if she agrees to move here and marry me, then I'd be the happiest man alive, but If she doesn't, then I might as well make lemonade with the lemons I have.

So I decided on the following:

What good is it going to do anyone if I worry or dream? All that I can do is give advice, help, and love unconditionally. If they don't want to listen it's their own fault, and I might be wrong anyway. I will help if asked and help in the most intrusive way possible if not asked to help. This is not because I know best and they might not even need the help, heck I can't even get my own life straight, but because, even though I'm not going to be an obsessives worrier, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I found out later that I was able to help, and didn't.

As for the dreaming, every time I dream about the end before it even begins, I will remind myself that I probably should've been on my private jet right now heading to China to seal a multi-million dollar deal, and instead I'm sitting on my computer writing this. And maybe, just maybe, if I had spent less time dreaming and more time working, I'd actually be on that plane.